Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Awkward....
Why am I feeling this way, God? Is it not meant to be? Is the distance pulling us apart? How come when we are together we can't have a normal conversation? I feel like ever since we started dating our conversations have dropped significantly. Is this the way you planned it? God, I would really like if this would work between him and I. I don't know how he feels since we don't like the word love. I know this isn't love but I would like to know how he feels. I mean he has to like me, right? Or he wouldn't be wanting me to meet his friends and family. I don't want him to physically show me he likes me, but saying so every now and then would be nice. I mean granted we've only been dating 3 weeks, but I really like him. But I barely know anything about him. I don't know his life. I've only known him this short while. You brought us together but I don't know what You want us to do. Please, God, give me a sign from above about what you want me to do about this feeling of, for lack of a better word, loneliness. It's killing me inside. How do I talk to him about this? I know its not easy but if we want this relationship to last, it has to be talked about, right? Anyways, I love you, God. Thank you for this wonderful life you've given me.
Sunday, October 04, 2009
October 3, 2009
Today I went to the zoo with Mahoney, his nephew, Kyle, Jennifer, Jessica, and Olivia, the mall with all of them except Mahoney and his nephew and played neon mini golf, then to Sweet Tomatoes where Ariel, Chelsea, Yoko, Ashley, and Akia joined us, where they almost got us kicked out of because they were being extremely loud and themselves, and then we, Yoko, Kyle, Jennifer, Chelsea, and Akia went to Walmart on Hodges and had a scavenger hunt, which I didn't win, then we, Yoko, Jennifer, Chelsea and I, went to Jennifer's and then they wanted coffee so we drove to a gate station and got coffee, and then we went on a tour of the Student Life Center at UNF.
And it is now 2:17am, I am supposed to be READY by 8:45am, but I can not sleep in this apartment when other people are awake, well I a mean I can, I just don't like to.
Anyways, tomorrow/later today, I am going to church with Mahoney and Kyle, I am not going to lie, I will be feeling a little awkward, I am just so use to my church that I rarely go to other peoples' churches.
I know, I am weird, do not judge me.
BUT back to what I WAS talking about, I am going back to Gainesville tomorrow, I really don't even want to, someone want to take over my lease and just let me move back to Jacksonville.. You'll have October free and I'll pay for November.
Seriously, I despise Gainesville!!!!
ANYWAYS, I guess I am now tired.
And apparently it is not too late for me to become a jedi...
GOODNIGHT <3
And it is now 2:17am, I am supposed to be READY by 8:45am, but I can not sleep in this apartment when other people are awake, well I a mean I can, I just don't like to.
Anyways, tomorrow/later today, I am going to church with Mahoney and Kyle, I am not going to lie, I will be feeling a little awkward, I am just so use to my church that I rarely go to other peoples' churches.
I know, I am weird, do not judge me.
BUT back to what I WAS talking about, I am going back to Gainesville tomorrow, I really don't even want to, someone want to take over my lease and just let me move back to Jacksonville.. You'll have October free and I'll pay for November.
Seriously, I despise Gainesville!!!!
ANYWAYS, I guess I am now tired.
And apparently it is not too late for me to become a jedi...
GOODNIGHT <3
Saturday, October 03, 2009
October 2, 2009
Tonight was just amazing.
I had had my doubts about YouthQuake but it was nice, never have I seen so many Christians so energetic. It reminded me sort of like Thespians.
I felt as if I was sort of out of place on some levels. I have never felt that much passion about Christ, even in my own church, from the youth. Jennifer plans on coming to the next one with me.
On the way home, we got lost for almost 20 extra minutes than it should have taken.
When I got back to my mom's house, I went to get my backpack and as Kyle quoted me: "There were three knives on the table next to my things. WHAT THE HELL MOM!" I was scared. I didn't know if she was trying to leave me a message or something... Talk about awkward.
Then I went to my brothers' apartment and he asked me about my "friend," also know as Mahoney; only because I didn't tell him and he was upset that I didn't.
Then I called Jennifer and she came and picked me up, we then went to the beach and walked for probably an hour and a half. She and I talked about everything on our minds.
And as Jennifer said, "You don't know what you love until you miss it." It's true, I use to despise Jacksonville and everything thing in it. But I feel everything I want and need in my life is here in Jacksonville and I have a bigger chance to live my goal here.
I guess I needed to be away from Jacksonville for only so long to remember all the good things about it.
I've missed all the people I knew, just started to get to know, and my family and the places in Jacksonville.
I do plan on moving back to Jacksonville in December and plan on restarting my college career.
SO If anyone has any places in mind as to where to live and get a job.I am all ears. :D
<3
I had had my doubts about YouthQuake but it was nice, never have I seen so many Christians so energetic. It reminded me sort of like Thespians.
I felt as if I was sort of out of place on some levels. I have never felt that much passion about Christ, even in my own church, from the youth. Jennifer plans on coming to the next one with me.
On the way home, we got lost for almost 20 extra minutes than it should have taken.
When I got back to my mom's house, I went to get my backpack and as Kyle quoted me: "There were three knives on the table next to my things. WHAT THE HELL MOM!" I was scared. I didn't know if she was trying to leave me a message or something... Talk about awkward.
Then I went to my brothers' apartment and he asked me about my "friend," also know as Mahoney; only because I didn't tell him and he was upset that I didn't.
Then I called Jennifer and she came and picked me up, we then went to the beach and walked for probably an hour and a half. She and I talked about everything on our minds.
And as Jennifer said, "You don't know what you love until you miss it." It's true, I use to despise Jacksonville and everything thing in it. But I feel everything I want and need in my life is here in Jacksonville and I have a bigger chance to live my goal here.
I guess I needed to be away from Jacksonville for only so long to remember all the good things about it.
I've missed all the people I knew, just started to get to know, and my family and the places in Jacksonville.
I do plan on moving back to Jacksonville in December and plan on restarting my college career.
SO If anyone has any places in mind as to where to live and get a job.I am all ears. :D
<3
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