I always have daydreams of what I really want to happen in a conversation.
I picture me talking to someone and I can predict what they are going to say.
But this only happens when I talk to someone I really truly know, for example, anyone in my family.
Nothing ever goes the way planned and I don't like that.
Why can't something, just for once, go the way I want it to go?
When will I ever be truly happy with life and not have to pretend I am?
Can people see that I'm pretending to laugh and have fun because I don't like to share my emotions with anyone.
I don't like people trying to fix my problems.
I'd rather keep them to myself.
I hide behind this wall I put up and only let a few people jump over it and actually see the real me.
I don't even think I know the real me.
I know a side of me.
The happy, go-lucky, never let anything bring me down side.
But for a while now, I've grown tired of that side of me.
Do I let my guard down and let people really understand me or should I keep pretending just so no one gets hurt, but in the long run, I'm just really hurting myself.
Something that I truly hate is hurting people, people hurting each other, and of course, people hurting themselves.
When will I find enough courage to just be myself and not care if I hurt someone in the long run?
Why?
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