Youthful Transgressions and my Grandma

As I look back to my adolescence, I realize that I passed up great opportunities for things that now have no meaning to me anymore.
For instance, I can't remember the last time I actually read a book with a better meaning than selfless drama and sex.
I want to be able to experience things I haven't. I want to explore more, in nature and in God.
I want to read The Bible. I haven't actually read the adult version of The Bible.
Last night, I told Yoko all these great stories of my youth.
i.e., my first crush, the first time i rode a bike, the adventures of me and my two best friends, and the stupidity stage i went through.

As she fell asleep, I reflected back on what I had told her and wished I could go back into my youth and relive all those moments all over again.
Some so I could relive my childhood and others so I could redo that moment.
I regret all the times I argued with my father, mother, step-mother, etc.

There are probably only three things in life I regret the most:
1. Losing my faith in God.
2. Losing my dad.
3. Not visiting my grandparents when I had the chance too.

I don't regret anything else really.
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I found out yesterday that my grandma in Jacksonville has been in the hospital since Saturday.
Apparently she couldn't breath and was put into the hospital.

I really wish I could see her and have her remember me. I haven't seen her since Christmas.
My grandma means the world to me, more than anyone else in my life.
I remember hearing stories from her.
She would tell me that I slept in my crib in her and my grandpa's room when we lived there, and she would rock me to sleep and every time I cried in the middle of the night she would come and hold me and make sure I was alright.
She told me, that when my father moved us out into the house on Waverly Falls, that for the next few months, she would cry herself to sleep because I wasn't there.
If anything happens to my grandma, I don't know what I would be like. I don't think I'd be able to deal with the death of my grandma.
And it scares me because i know the days are creeping closer and closer that she'll pass away.
I miss her and I love her so much.
I really want to see her.