Religion.

Ah, Religion.

What a wonder topic to talk about yeah?
I believe so.

Hmm.
Let's start out by saying this:
Yes, I do believe I am religious.

But I'm still not entirely sure.
Yes, I believe that there is a God, Jesus, and a Holy Spirit.
But I still question things in life.
Yes, I go to Church and pray and ask God for forgiveness.
But, sometimes, I don't think I believe enough to actually have faith that God will get me through anything.

I've had a difficult time believing that there is a higher being.
i.e., God, & Jesus.

When I was fourteen I stopped going to church and praying and doing everything else a religious person would do.
I stopped having faith in God. I didn't believe He was actually "real."
I guess you could say that what I had believed in was taken away from me because of certain obstacles were thrown in my direction.

As the years when on, I hardly thought about God or my religion.
There were times in my life when I had wished that I could take back what had happened and have God in my heart the way He used to be in it.
But it just wasn't possible for me to look at God the same way.
Why, you might ask?
Because, the relationship I had with God came from my father and as far as the relationship with my father at the time was well it was nothing.

I kept trying to get back into touch with God but every time I did I felt like I was being denied by Him, because I broke the fifth Commandment, Honor thy father and thy mother. I disrespected my father and my stepmother, someone who has raised me for my whole life.

But, something about this year made it all different. I finally came to good terms with my father and I can actually look at him and be proud to call him my father.
He's someone I can look to for help in life.

As I came to terms with my dad, I was able to look at God the way I had use to, with the help of a friend.
I finally had enough courage to face God in His house, St. Paul's Catholic Church.

When I walked in the doors of the church I was greeted by a familiar face, Father Kelley, this priest known me since I was four. He baptized me, was there when I had confession, My First Holy Communion, and was the person who Confirmed into the Catholic Church.

When I sat down in the pew, I felt as if a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. It kinda made me want to cry.
As mass started, I recognized all the songs, the prayers, and of course the responses.
The only thing I could not remember was, what do you respond with when the priest says, "The Body of Christ." It made me nervous as I made my way towards the line of people waiting for Communion.
When it was my turn I look the priest in the eyes and whispered "Amen." Not knowing if this was the right response or not, I cupped my hands waiting to receive the Body of Christ and he placed it in my hands.
I was relieved to know that I had said the right thing.

As the mass ended, I noticed my aunt sitting on the oposite side of the church and when we both walked out of the church we greeted each other, she didn't believe that I had actually come to church.
I think that the smile on my aunts face when she saw me was the most priceless thing.
Something that I had hoped for.
I felt like everything in my life was falling back into place.

Now all I ask for is to find a church here in Gainesville and someone to go with me to it, for my faith in God to never die again, and to be able to do things in life that I haven't done.