Bible Verses

1 John 1: 5-7
"This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us all from sin."

1 Peter 3: 3-4
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

1 Peter 5:10
"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast."

Psalm 119:11
"I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you."

Proverbs 19:21
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

"Light is not recognized except through darkness."

Matthew 6:33
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

Romans 5:19
"For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous."

James 3:9-10
"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be."

2 Samuel 7:22
"Therefore You are great, O Lord God. For there is none like You, nor is there any God besides You, according to all that we have heard with our ears."

Hebrews 13:5-6
"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." So we may boldly say: "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?"

Psalm 145:5
"I will meditate on the glorious splendor of Your majesty, and on Your wonderous works."

1 Timothy 4:12
"Do not let others look down on your because you're young, but set an example in love, in life, in speech, in faith, and in purity."
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

You are my sunshine.

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
when skies are grey.
You'll never know dear,
How much I love you.
So please don't take
My sunshine away.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Is this real?

Am I falling for him? Could this be something real? I keep wishing it could be. Every time I doubt it, he always seems to remind me. It's like he's reading my mind.
I feel as if I am thinking about him a lot. He seems like one of the only people I can hold a decent conversation with nowadays and even then most of it is choppy. Blah. What is going on with me? Is this the way I am supposed to feel?
I mean I believe I am sort of falling in either deep like or very small love with him. I'd say all this to him but I don't want him to freak out. :P
I do enjoy and respect the fact that he himself wants to take things slow. He always makes smile even when we were over 2000 miles apart. He's an amazing guy and he is also very adorable. ;D
He is more than likely the first guy I've ever felt this way about. He knows the right words to say, how to make me laugh, my family all seems to love him, especially my little cousins.
He has made these past two months the most enjoyable months I had in an extremely long time. I am not saying he's my everything but what I am saying is that he's someone I could possibly picture myself with for a very long time. I thank You, God that you made me meet him. You are an amazing God.
It's been said that when you meet the person you've been destined to be with you'll feel it in your heart. Something about Michael Mahoney is telling me that God wants him and I
To be together. I don't know how or why but I don't mind.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Awkward....

Why am I feeling this way, God? Is it not meant to be? Is the distance pulling us apart? How come when we are together we can't have a normal conversation? I feel like ever since we started dating our conversations have dropped significantly. Is this the way you planned it? God, I would really like if this would work between him and I. I don't know how he feels since we don't like the word love. I know this isn't love but I would like to know how he feels. I mean he has to like me, right? Or he wouldn't be wanting me to meet his friends and family. I don't want him to physically show me he likes me, but saying so every now and then would be nice. I mean granted we've only been dating 3 weeks, but I really like him. But I barely know anything about him. I don't know his life. I've only known him this short while. You brought us together but I don't know what You want us to do. Please, God, give me a sign from above about what you want me to do about this feeling of, for lack of a better word, loneliness. It's killing me inside. How do I talk to him about this? I know its not easy but if we want this relationship to last, it has to be talked about, right? Anyways, I love you, God. Thank you for this wonderful life you've given me.

October 3, 2009

Today I went to the zoo with Mahoney, his nephew, Kyle, Jennifer, Jessica, and Olivia, the mall with all of them except Mahoney and his nephew and played neon mini golf, then to Sweet Tomatoes where Ariel, Chelsea, Yoko, Ashley, and Akia joined us, where they almost got us kicked out of because they were being extremely loud and themselves, and then we, Yoko, Kyle, Jennifer, Chelsea, and Akia went to Walmart on Hodges and had a scavenger hunt, which I didn't win, then we, Yoko, Jennifer, Chelsea and I, went to Jennifer's and then they wanted coffee so we drove to a gate station and got coffee, and then we went on a tour of the Student Life Center at UNF.
And it is now 2:17am, I am supposed to be READY by 8:45am, but I can not sleep in this apartment when other people are awake, well I a mean I can, I just don't like to.
Anyways, tomorrow/later today, I am going to church with Mahoney and Kyle, I am not going to lie, I will be feeling a little awkward, I am just so use to my church that I rarely go to other peoples' churches.
I know, I am weird, do not judge me.
BUT back to what I WAS talking about, I am going back to Gainesville tomorrow, I really don't even want to, someone want to take over my lease and just let me move back to Jacksonville.. You'll have October free and I'll pay for November.
Seriously, I despise Gainesville!!!!


ANYWAYS, I guess I am now tired.
And apparently it is not too late for me to become a jedi...

GOODNIGHT <3

October 2, 2009

Tonight was just amazing.
I had had my doubts about YouthQuake but it was nice, never have I seen so many Christians so energetic. It reminded me sort of like Thespians.
I felt as if I was sort of out of place on some levels. I have never felt that much passion about Christ, even in my own church, from the youth. Jennifer plans on coming to the next one with me.
On the way home, we got lost for almost 20 extra minutes than it should have taken.
When I got back to my mom's house, I went to get my backpack and as Kyle quoted me: "There were three knives on the table next to my things. WHAT THE HELL MOM!" I was scared. I didn't know if she was trying to leave me a message or something... Talk about awkward.
Then I went to my brothers' apartment and he asked me about my "friend," also know as Mahoney; only because I didn't tell him and he was upset that I didn't.
Then I called Jennifer and she came and picked me up, we then went to the beach and walked for probably an hour and a half. She and I talked about everything on our minds.
And as Jennifer said, "You don't know what you love until you miss it." It's true, I use to despise Jacksonville and everything thing in it. But I feel everything I want and need in my life is here in Jacksonville and I have a bigger chance to live my goal here.
I guess I needed to be away from Jacksonville for only so long to remember all the good things about it.
I've missed all the people I knew, just started to get to know, and my family and the places in Jacksonville.
I do plan on moving back to Jacksonville in December and plan on restarting my college career.


SO If anyone has any places in mind as to where to live and get a job.I am all ears. :D

<3

Past.

I haven't told many people this, I didn't tell you when you asked about my past, I use to think I was completely useless in the world. I believed I was not good enough for anyone, my family seemed to think the same. I use to feel that if I was just gone, no one would care. I use to write notes about how I would kill myself and almost brought myself to doing it.
Now I know that I am completely useful to many people and God alone has shown me this. He's shown me that people need me in this world and I am very fortune to be living. I talk to Him everyday of my life. I try not to remember things from my past for it just brings back bad memories. But that is what they are, memories, nothing else. They will never be in my thoughts again because God has a plan for me. God has a plan for everyone in world whether you believe in Him or not, He will always be with you.

....

I think I that I like like Michael Mahoney.

You, yes you.

I friggin' like you!!

Why!!!!

Why can't I get you off of my mind?

I'm broken.

Okay, so first of all.
I've been craving the taste of you for so long. I saw you the other day and could not even say one simple word as: "Hi."
I get nervous and different when I'm in your presence.
I don't get it. You're not that different from other people I've liked but yet this how I feel when I'm around you.

I've told you some of my deepest, darkest stuff.
I've showed you things, I keep only to myself. You've showed me things.

I don't see why you can't just give me a chance. A real chance.

Online banking.

So, I really hate online banking, I don't understand it.
I think it's retarded, silly, and it might be convenient if it actually transferred when you wanted it too.
I have to transfer money from Navy Federal Credit Union to my Bank of America checking account so I can order my books.
So, yesterday, I set up the transferring accounts and set Navy Federal up to transfer 400.00 into Bank of America today, so I get up and check it, the 400.00 that was in Navy Federal is gone but it's not in Bank of America, apparently I did not put in the correct account number for Bank Of America, so I called Navy Federal who then called Bank Of America and set up my ACTUAL account number so I can make this transfer, but now I have 400.00 sitting in cyberspace right now.
I probably won't have it back until like, Friday.
Anyways, I need this transfer to happen asap so I can order my books before I go to work Wednesday so I can pick them up.
Duh. :]

No title.

God, I can't take it anymore.
I try to suppress my feelings that I have towards you and just be friends with you, but every time I try, it does not seem to work.
From the first time I met you, way back when you were dating one of my friends, I could tell we would be friends for a while, which was true.
I hope you can still consider me your friend even though I don't fit your friend "quota."
I know I'm not a good athlete, I don't remember most things I've learned, and I haven't done much with my life.
But I hope you can look past all the negative things about me and see my positive things.
I've had a rough life, while you lead somewhat of the "simpler" life, not saying that you got everything you asked for and I'm not saying that I didn't get much of what I asked for either, but you always talk about all these fun and exciting things you've done while I say I've hardly done a third of that.
I'm trying to stop my feelings and just see you as a normal, regular friend. It might take longer than I hope, but if that's all we will ever be, I will bare with it and move on.

Jumbled mess.

My feelings for you are a jumbled mess. I can't determine whether or not if I like you or if its lust. I don't know if I want something more than just being friends with you.
It makes me want to bawl. Why must we be like this with each other.
Why can't we just finish what we started.
I don't know if I just want your body or your body and your mind.
You make me feel rare. It's like you want me to be successful in life, yet you won't say it directly to me, like you want me to figure it out myself, like you've given me a push, but that's all you'll give me until I come and ask for more.
Is this true?
Is this how you feel?

Do we stop being friends entirely or do we just take a break from each other?

I don't want to ever not be friends with you, I don't think I have it in me for that.
I can't see myself in the future not being friends with you.
Can you?
I don't want to end up like you and Yoko.
That's all I will say.

Good day!

Questions I keep asking myself.

Why do I think I like him?
Why am I friends with them?
Do they even care about me?
Am I really doing what I want to do with my life?
Am I running away from my problems?
Does anyone other than family really care for me as I care for them?
Why am I pretending to be happy when I know I haven't been really happy since God knows when?

Do any of you have any answers for this?